The Cost of Being the First

Everyone wants the results of being the first, few want to go through their process to get there. 

A few of the attractive things about first gens are that… we’re known to work hard, be respectful and use our personal experiences to benefit the positions we are in. 

We are at risk of burning out and selling out because we are less likely to ask for help, have relationships that can offer the type of help we need and we’re more likely to trade in our health for money. The trade offs we make are in the name of growth when we make them. They come at a heavy cost over the course of our life. The bill comes when we least expect it.  

The heavy cost to operate in our calling can cost us time, comfort, money, relationships, health and more.  

To access the solutions and reach our destinations the change has to come from within. 

The decisions to set a direction and commit to changing habits reveal the best parts of us that are usually hidden by outdated relationships, dysfunction and environment habits. 

Here’s what the costs look like for a first gen… 

Loss in Relationships 

As a first gen, choosing individual growth can cost you misalignment and separation in your relationships. People who are not on the same growth trajectory will misunderstand why you are choosing to grow. 

First gens tend to travel through multiple growth cycles and reinvent themselves to thrive in their new environments. Sometimes their peers do not travel as far or lean into change. The separation in stages can stretch the relationship too far and break it. Sometimes the separation is permanent and sometimes the people come back around in a different season. It depends on the growth of all parties. 

The weight of the misalignment and misunderstanding are what cause strain in relationships from friendships to family and lovers, not the individual growth. 

Isolation  

Traveling a path of growth that most aren’t can be lonely and isolating. Especially if you’re like me and grew up in a big family and are used to people always being around. Pushing outside of my comfort zone meant facing rejection and discomfort repeatedly to bet on myself.  

The lifestyle you are seeking is rebuilding who you are from your nervous system to the results you can achieve. It’s a relentless marathon of hope, grit and endurance. The journey can impact your mental, physical and financial health if the right boundaries and guardrails aren’t in place. 

Without guardrails and boundaries I’ve seen the pressure of navigating a capitalist Corporate America increase my peers' breakdowns and scramble to cope with substance abuse disguising it as recreational use. The happy hours have become less happy and the boundaries seem self sacrificial marketed as safety. 

In my own experience isolation is a way life was pruning what I couldn’t take into my next chapter. It’s hard to prune around noise and distractions. The experience you have with pruning depends on where you are headed. 

Financial Costs

Being the first is tough because you’re paving the way and financing a lifestyle you haven’t seen yet. It can be expensive financially and in time. There are two types of financial costs that I've witnessed for first gens 1) personal development and 2) opportunity costs.

Personal Development

The systems to help people succeed may still be a stretch for first gens to reach. Whether it’s college or access, growing in life is a pay to play game. College teaches you to use and gain skills. They don’t tell you how to apply them in real time, grow or protect them in a scarce workforce. 

I’ve personally invested $100K of my own money to use my skills to my benefit, grow and protect my skills and become this version of myself. I invested in therapy to help reverse dysfunction, paid for travels to learn about myself in new environments and filled my understanding gaps with education and leadership coaching. I’ve learned that the career I’ve built also built me as a person.

Opportunity Costs

As a first gen I was traveling in social classes I was not accustomed to. I was an easy target to be misled. Continuing generations were able to dangle opportunities in my face that I thought were once in a lifetime opportunities. In my first corporate negotiation I left $10K on the table in salary because I trusted the person on the other side of the table had my best interest. I learned while in the role that a colleague at the same level with less experience and a lower closing rate on deals was making $10K more than me. 

It was then I learned that my mindset either sees these opportunities as a chance to grow or shrink. If I chose to shrink, I would have cost myself more growth which is too high of an  opportunity cost for the mission I am on.  

When I polled my first gen audience on the opportunity costs they experienced, one stuck out to me most. The importance of investing in your 401K and not touching it. This first gen withdrew the 401K when leaving jobs and ate the penalties of touching it before knowing the real opportunity cost of it. After working with a financial advisor, it was explained that touching it every time was going in the opposite direction of this first gen's goals. 

First Gens Pay the Costs Daily

First generation professionals risk all they have and more to become better versions for themselves and their families. The results look flashy, it comes at a cost day to day. The same people they do it for might be their biggest opposition in the process. It takes focus, prayer and grit to keep going against all odds.